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A Message to Creationists

Occasionally, this site is visited by creationists. This page is addressed to them.

Put up or shut up

I've heard every anti-evolution argument there is. Before you respond to something on this site, please make sure that you read this entire page.

You Don't Have A Theory

There is no theory of creationism, not in the scientific sense. If you want to be taken seriously, write down what you think constitutes a theory of creationism. Be specific. Show your math. Make sure it fits the known facts. Most importantly, make sure that your theory is falsifiable: that is, come up with an experiment that could, at least in principle, show that your theory is wrong.

You're Not Pro-Creationism, You're Anti-Evolution

Creationist arguments aren't arguments for creation; they're arguments against the theory of evolution. If you don't like evolution for whatever reason, that's your problem; it doesn't make evolution any less true. If it's any consolation, you don't have to believe in gravity, either.

Get the Facts

Find out what evolution is all about before you start criticizing it. By this, I don't mean regurgitating something your preacher told you. Read one of the many fine popular science books on the subject, written by biologists.

Chances are, your preacher doesn't know jack squat, and neither do you. Find out what you're talking about before you make an ass of yourself.

Stop Dinking Around With Wimpy Evidence

By supporting creationism, you're making a pretty big claim, namely that the best scientific minds of the last few centuries are wrong. You'd better back that up with some pretty impressive evidence.

Stop messing around with, as one site put it, ``wimpy, girly-man evidence.'' Show us some manly-man evidence!

If you believe in Noah's ark, stop whining about the political situation in Turkey and find the damn thing. If you think that dinosaurs and humans coexisted, then find a fossil of a human inside a dinosaur, or something equally impressive. If you think there are only a few created kinds, then enumerate them.

If you think there's a creator, then show me this creator. I want name, height, weight, shoe size, and favorite breakfast food. I want pictures. I want film. I want video and audio tape. I want fingerprints, graduation photos, bank account number, and email address.

Do The Math

Creationists, as a group, are innumerate. If you have a problem with math, tough. Math is the language of science, so if you want to be taken seriously, you'll have to master at least basic arithmetic.

For instance: a lot of creationists admit that there is variation within a kind (whatever that is. No one's ever satisfactorily defined it). Okay, how much variation? Here's a clue: the Human Genome Project has found that the human genome has about 30000 genes. How many alleles does each gene have? How many total possible genomes does that make? Is this more or less than the number of ways to shuffle a deck of cards?

If you think there was a worldwide flood, how much water was involved? Why? How many animals did Noah take on the ark? How much room did they take up? How much did they weigh? How much did they eat? Show your work.

There Is Only One Universe

There aren't two universes, one for Bible stories and one for history. There's only this place. Any stories in the Bible that are true should have left some trace elsewhere.

If there was a flood four thousand years ago, you can't have six thousand years of uninterrupted history in Egypt. If the sun stopped in the sky for 24 hours, everyone on the planet would have noticed it (and written it down). If the Egyptian army had been drowned in the Red Sea, the Egyptians would have noticed.

This cuts both ways, by the way: if you think that humans and animals are unrelated, then there's no reason to test drugs on animals before testing them on humans, right? If viruses don't evolve, then it's obviously a waste of time and money getting a flu shot every year.

Put Up Or Shut Up

In short, if you want your outrageous claims to be taken seriously, come up with some hard evidence to back it up. Don't tell me why the theory of evolution is wrong; tell me why yours is right. Don't tell me evolution is a religion; tell me why creationism isn't ignorant, superstitious nonsense. Give me some tangible evidence. Give me something I can't deny. Rub my face in it.