Codeword: Restoration

Codeword: Restoration

On a hunch, I popped over to thomas.loc.gov and searched for bills with “Restoration Act” in the title. You’ve probably heard of the Constitution Restoration Act, which aims to restore the original intent of the US constitution by helping usher in a theocracy, but there were several others as well.

• The Due Process and Economic Competitiveness Restoration Act (H.R. 1657), which aims to repeal section 604 of Sarbanes-Oxley, which makes CEOs criminally liable for the conent of their companies’ financial reports, thus unfairly restricting companies’ competitiveness in the global marketplace. This bill will, one hopes, allow the next generation of Enrons and Worldcoms to rise to the fore.
• The First Amendment Restoration Act (H.R. 46, H.R. 689). It is a blatant infringement of free speech to require campaign contributions to be reported to the FEC. This bill restores donors’ and companies’ right to give huge wads of cash to politicians anonymously, as the founders intended.
• The Houses of Worship Free Speech Restoration Act (H.R. 235). Along the same lines, since the phrase “separation of church and state” does not appear in the US constitution, the government has no right telling churches to stay out of politics. This bill amends the Internal Revenue Code so that sermons, homilies, etc. don’t count, as far as determining whether a church has participated in a political campaign. After all, is it really fair for a megachurch to lose its tax-exempt standing just because a minister told his congregation how to vote? Can that really be considered participation in a political campaign?
• The Constitution Restoration Act (S. 520 IS, H.R. 1070 IH): It is obvious that when the founders wrote “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”, they didn’t mean the One True God whose commandments are the foundation of all US law, as evidenced by the inclusion of the Ten Commandments in Article 1 of the constitution. This bill helps clarify this situation, and restore the original intent of the constitution, by prohibiting the Supreme Court from hearing any case in which a government official “acknowledg[es] God as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government”.
• The American Sovereignty Restoration Act (H.R. 1146 IH) restores American sovereignty by withdrawing from the UN, and shutting down any UN offices or buildings on American soil

(Unfortunately, if you want to read these bills, you’ll have to look them up yourself: Thomas is retarded and doesn’t have permanent links to bills.)

So it seems that if you come across a bill entitled “Lofty, ultra-patriotic abstract concept Restoration Act”, it’s actually code for “theocracy.”

In all fairness, there are a few bills that don’t obviously fit this pattern: the Environmental Restoration Act seeks to give tax breaks to companies that get energy from waste byproducts of coal mining, rather than from coal; the Civil Liberties Restoration Act requires immigration proceedings to be open to the public, and says that the DHS needs a warrant to arrest aliens; and the District of Columbia Voting Rights Restoration Act argues that since the land that forms DC was taken from Maryland, that DC residents should be able to vote in Maryland elections.

So “Foo Restoration Act” isn’t a foolproof indicator, but it’s still worth watching out for. If I ever see “The Glorious Patriotic God, Country, Mom, and Apple Pie Restoration Act”, I’ll be worried.